Nicole and I decided to co-write a blog and why not? given we have shared so much of our lives together over the last ahem 31 years – immediate thoughts prior to writing this sentence is fuck are we this old already and how have we survived this far. So how does one start writing a blog anyway? Do words just drip from my fingers and tumble onto the page? I feel that however I approach this I must do it using extreme caution, the stealth of a ninja and the speed of a cheetah … yes I am doing this at work, isn’t that what shit jobs are for ?
If you had asked me 6 years ago where I saw myself I would probably tell you with certainty that I didn’t really know but my path of uncertainty was at least clear in my mind. Back then I was a free and fun party girl working in the hospitality industry. Working all night and then partying until lunch time was pretty much the only real consistency I had in my life.
Within the blink of an eye everything changed one night and my whole world was turned upside and my priorities shifted the night my father suddenly passed away. Immediately following this, my partying got worse and I was looking for solace at the end of every bottle, perhaps looking for a little redemption to ease my guilt I felt about giving my life to this industry and never spending time with my family. Still to this day I am haunted by the knowledge that I cannot remember the last time I saw my father alive. Not long into my heavy bottle battle I met someone in my bar one night – he was cute and sweet and immediately I sensed safety and someone I could build a life with. I clung to him like a life raft; I knew he would stop me from drowning.
Fast Forward a few years and the now ex and I lived together and were planning our life together, we had hopes and dreams and I think we both thought we had everything under control. Enter Hunter ! Our amazing bundle of surprise ! Hunter Douglas (after my father) Lyon (after Snoop) White. And as it turns out both the names I had picked and fell in love with were part of Hunter’s fathers mothers maiden names ( completely blew my mind when i found that out). I won’t bore you with all the details but basically having Hunter changed my life, I became a lot less selfish and I fell deeply in love and finally I understood what people meant when they said you would kill for your child or die for them. I fucken get it! So the things I won’t go into detail about right now is all the steps leading from there to here; the engagement, the breakdown of us, the separation, the degree and the chaos in-between.
I have been a single parent since February 2015, my ex and I have a pretty intense relationship still, plenty of ups and downs and we do our best to be the best parents we can to Hunter. He is what’s most important. I finished my degree in Marketing and Business at the beginning of this year after studying my ass off and trying to be super mum. I am two months into my first job after uni which I thought would be more along the lines of what I want to do : Marketing and not so much Sales which is where I find myself now. Most days I contemplate ways to get out of going to work and when I am at work I contemplate ways to escape such as jumping off the roof and breaking my legs so I can’t come in for a few weeks or praying I get temporary laryngitis so I don’t have to make any contact with anyone forever. The rest of my time is spent harassing Nicole via text or email, checking the book of faces and hunting for new jobs on trade me. It’s quieter than a morgue in this office, sometimes when you speak you actually hear other colleagues sssh you. Obviously the company culture is off da hook here !!
Most days I feel like shit here and I am desperate to find something else, but I am the queen of silver linings according to Nicole and so the silver lining of this job is that there’s plenty of time for me to get paid and job hunt and get paid and fuck around. I would like to add I have incredible work ethics usually but when your boss tells you your job is one thing and then it turns out its not it’s only natural that you want to fuck around. It also sucks that I am bound by this 90 day rule so I can’t really complain about my job because they can turn around and end my contract come D-day. So for now I shall blog and complain and waste my days as best I can…I have mastered the art of looking busy.
So that’s everything whittled down to a less than 1000 word count, there is more, there will be tears of joy and sorrow and tears of booze too no doubt.