What day is it? I have no fucking idea. I’m just barely navigating my way through the haze of alcohol and biscuits that is the Christmas holidays. All I really wanted for Christmas was to make it through to the New Year without my liver failing. It’s been touch and go with a few sharp, stabbing pains in the side and a most enjoyable 24 hour tummy bug which saw me revisit the leftover Christmas day ham I have been consuming on a daily basis. BUT there is only one more day to go and I think I might make it (she says, her confidence waning as she visualises the three bottles of champagne in the fridge waiting for their inevitable annihilation tonight).
So I don’t know about you but 2016 has left me feeling like I’ve been through an industrial sized meat mincer. HOWEVER, it has not been a complete circle-jerk. I’ve had a hell of a lot of bloody amazing times this year, met with some excruciatingly low lows, but I’ve learnt something from all of it and I feel like I’ve grown more as a person than in any other time of my life. I wanted to end the year with a bit of a reflection, not on the actual things that have happened but on what I have got out of them.
In my mind, the single most valuable thing I have learnt this year is to stop trying to control everything in life and just enjoy the ride. I realised that I’d been making a lot of decisions from a place of fear, for example dating the wrong people constantly out of the fear of being alone or not stepping up at work because of the fear of failure. I tell you what, once you let go of that ridiculous (but really common) way of thinking and learn to trust in yourself and in life the fear kind of evaporates because you’re no longer giving it any power. You start to find way more passion and enjoyment out of the things you do and actually start making solid decisions (yes, despite what you may think I have made some this year)!! Saying that, I am eternally grateful for all of my fails this year as it has made for some quality entertainment and I probably wouldn’t have a blog without them!
On a more serious note, anxiety is your body’s way of telling you that the way you are doing things at that present moment is incongruent with who you really are and what you truly want (this is my belief anyway). Listen to it and always trust your gut.
One surprising thing I’ve discovered this year is that everything I’ve learnt about human reproductive biology is completely erroneous. You can in fact get pregnant from merely coming in close contact with other pregnant people (kind of like Ebola). This is my new theory anyway, based on the fact that every single person I know has either had a baby this year or is pregnant. As a result I’ve had to enforce a far stricter hugging and food sharing policy. You can never be too careful.
I said I wasn’t going to get too specific but this one well deserves a mention. Travelling to Japan with my best friend in the entire world was THE most hilarious, crazy, retarded, exhausting and brilliant time I’ve had this year and potentially ever. Where else can you get mind-bendingly lost then end up in a bar full of dildos? Or have dinner in a prison cell with a waitress who’s only contribution was to serve you a phallic drink called ‘sperm juice’ and teach you how to say the word ‘vagina’ in Japanese. OR stumble across a real life acid trip complete with a transvestite dressed as Rainbow Brite and a giant dancing teddy bear with a moustache. Riddle me that!! Please, I beg any one of you that hasn’t gone to Japan to go there immediately.
One conscious decision I have made this year is regarding the people I choose to invest my time and energy into. They are positive (albeit not all of the time as that’s just impossible), they are genuine and caring, they are supportive and empathetic, they are open and honest, they love to laugh and mostly come with zero bullshit (and in some cases a fairly non-existent filter)! This may sound calculated and selfish but we’ve all been around someone who sucks you dry emotionally and gives nothing back and let’s face it, it blows a bag of dicks. I’m rapidly approaching my mid-thirties now and I ain’t got time for that (the people not the bag of dicks, there’s always time for a bag of dicks hahaha).
ANYWAY, I don’t want to come across like I’m the fucking Delai Lama or something so I’m going to cease and desist now.
All I can say is that it’s been a hell of a year, not just for me but for the world. No idea what lies ahead but it’s exciting and for the first time in ages I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. So cheers to that and bring on the Champagne (followed by cheap bubbly as I can’t afford to drink champagne all night, living the dreeeeeaaaaaaam).
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
– Nic xx